A New Kind of War...

I am done fighting. Done fighting evil. Done speaking it's language. Done immersing myself in it's stench.

There were reasons I engaged. There are always reasons. For everything. The reasons only become excuses when you have failed.
And that is when you hear, "but I did the best I could".

I don't believe I failed in the work that was brought to me. Neither, do I believe I always did the best that I could in that work.

When I engaged in word battles and was unkind. Either, because it was easier. Or, in a rather twisted way felt good.
That is where I failed myself, others, and all that I believe in.
I have dwelled on that long enough to know, that I need to forgive myself. And ask others to do the same.

I am growing again. And I cannot grow well, straight, true, and strong, without the proper nourishment.
Nothing really can.
I do not desire to be a solitary rose growing atop a dung heap.
I wish, hope, and pray, to be in a garden.
With many other growing faces pointing towards the Sun.

Who I was then, is not who I am now. And who I am today, is not who I will be tomorrow.
God willing...

That is also true about the truth. It evolves and progresses. It doesn't stand still.
Neither does time.

The words have always been there. It just takes time to learn the lessons and meanings of them.
It is a living truth.
I cannot do or be anything alone. Thank God, I have never truly been alone.

Evil is as evil does. We have all opened a window or a door to evil at some point or another in our lives.
Poor choices and mistakes.
What we choose to do with those learning opportunites plays a very great part in whether we become a puppet or a tool.

I refuse to become a puppet. And I think I may need to be brought to the stone and ground a little that I may become sharper.
And I need to be oiled. That I may shed my coat of rust.
I would prefer to be a hoe. Rather than, a sword of any type.
Breaking ground to grow and tend. Rather than warring and bloodletting.

I have chosen and reaffirmed my choice in this. Loss disturbs me. Judging disturbs me.
A true gardener never retires. It is passion and joy. A warrior may choose to retire and become a full time gardener.
Welcome to my retirement.
And please bear with me if I pick up the wrong tool from time to time.
I'll get better with time and practice.

I wish The Lord's healing and love for all. I pray for the day that we may all be in the same garden with our faces towards the Son.
Instead of, pain, shame and so many other things, evil things, that keep us hiding in the dark.

I am done fighting evil. Because I have simply chosen to succeed it. Crazy how that works.
And simple.
Just like blowing sunshine up someones, well...you know. If, their mind is truly that closed, it has nowhere to escape except out of their mouth.
And at least that way the seeds continue to spread.
Humor can also be a beautiful thing. Besides being necessary.

Have A Wonderful Day Everyone... I intend to.
I should have titled this, "This is what Jesus did for me Today"...