Love Thy Neighbor. Okay..but can I shoot their dog?

I have reached a point. Not THE point, but definitely A point. One of the things that I absolutely LOVE about rural America is, nearest neighbors are usually at least a mile away.
I like my peace. Actually, I require it.

So, what do you do, when the neighbor dogs start coming to visit? Run them off right? Well, what if they belong to someone who has never provided them with a lick of training?
And what if, they kill your chickens. Ruin your herding dog. And encourage your dogs to start running too?
And the neighbor/hoarder, cannot seem to get it into their head, that this is not cute. It is not acceptable. And their irresponsibility has cost their neighbor money, peace, lives, and what used to be a good dog.

"Oh my dog just loves you and can't stay away." Good. That way your dog will be close enough that I will be pretty much guaranteed a good shot.
Why should I care if that would make them sad? I was damned sad and angry watching my kid crying over the bloodfest in the middle of our yard.

What is even more frustrating is, the fact, that neighbor has a rather impressive dog kennel. That they never use.
Neighbor waxes poetic over how wonderful it is to have such great neighbors and they hope we never move away.
Me? I just swear a lot under my breath and at the top of my lungs.

People aren't stupid for the most part. They can just be incredibly self-absorbed.

Struggling here...

I am trying so hard to remember hate the sin and love the sinner. Or, maybe it is that I am struggling and failing in simply doing it.
I cannot wrap my mind around what kind of people do things like this.
And then, brag and lie to cause more damage. All while, taunting and laughing about the harm they have caused.

The majority of the people who entered our home were not good people. Not by any stretch.
And I want to know why it doesn't matter that we did not do as we were accused. I need to know why lies are preferred to the truth.
Where is our justice? Where is our protection?

I have been God's tool for so long. I usually don't ask why. I am usually a willing servant.
I guess this is just one of those times where it hurts too much, the cost so very high.
I can honestly say that I do not do as I do in anticipation of some reward. I do not think God should have to pay us to do as we should.
Streets of gold and jewelled mansions in the sky mean nothing to me.
Never have.

What I resent more than anything is coming to the place of "If Only." Which is an accounting of "If Only" I had not done these other things for others I would have enough for me and mine.
I hate the "If Only" place.
I hate that some people through their actions can cause me to wish I had never done anything for anyone.

I really hate the way I feel right now. I know that no matter what I do or don't do God and his truth will stand. I know that nothing can or will make me stop believing.
But some of my belief does not jive with what might get another through their trials and tribulations.
The whole reward system for one.
And I am a little pissed at Him. I mean do I always have to be the pony that everyone rides? Must it always be so fucking tough? It hurts and I want it to stop.
I want my family back together. And I have zero ability to even pretend that everything will be okay.
Because right now it does not feel like it will ever be okay again.

Today has not been a good day. And for those who read this with glee and delight that I am finally getting mine? Pray tell WHAT did I ever do to you!?!
And know that I would wish upon you every blessing or curse you have ever wished for me. May you live your life upon those blessings and curses. Rich or scant.
Yes, that is what I would wish. If, I were like you.
But, I am not.

I Don't Wonder.

My God is not for everybody. I would be more than willing to share. But sometimes people do not see what is right in front of them. And so they doubt. And blame. And attempt to discredit what they know nothing of.

My God is amazing. I do not know if he knows the number of hairs on my head. I do know that he has a sense of humor though. Lucky for me.
I do know that he hears my prayers. Even though, I do not always get the answer I may have been hoping for.

When things go bad I don't wonder why he abandoned me. I am so grateful that He is always with me.
Light or dark.

Recently I was devastated by a series of events that I could not understand. Mostly why was this happening.
I have lived through a lot. I have seen even more. But all of this had me on my knees.
Have you ever wondered what sound your heart might make as it is breaking? Don't. I pray that you never hear such.
It is the tinkling of broken glass and the roar of rending fabric. The quiet after is absolute.

Nothing is sacred when evil comes for you. And that which is sacred to you is the first to be threatened.
Material things do not mean much to me in the grand scheme of things. The thought behind them is what counts.

But one thing I will never in this lifetime bear again is having a child stolen from me. I cannot. You see, we all have limits. Places which we cannot be pushed beyond.
And I know my God knows this. I know this based on the one person that he sent to make sure that could not and did not happen.
And that too put me on my knees.

It would appear that I am once again to be brought into the arena with mine enemies.
Pussy bitches never did have the balls to come at me one at a time.
I moved 9 years and 6 counties away from what I thought would kill me. Apparently, I did not move far enough.
They left their bootprints on my "Bless This Home" sign. Fuckers.

Never forget that I am allowed to hate evil... I sometimes do wonder if this is exactly what he made me to do.
I will trust in Him. And who knows? Maybe this time he will allow me to unsheathe my claws. One can only hope. One can wish that it were never necessary.

Destiny

It has been awhile since I have shared here. I can only say, that I was immersing myself in the supposedly mundane details of day to day life.
And sometimes, it wears me out thinking of how to arrange the words.
That they may be taken as they were meant in the intent of the giving.

The world is filled with mysteries. But the magic is certainly not gone from it.
It amazes me when I read old tracts and references to beliefs that are designed to shape the beliefs of the reader.
I find most of the manipulation offensive. As, they are not only based on lies, but by their very design, created to confuse and in doing so grant power to the confuser.

Peoples beliefs can be a most precious treasure. In that they are an initiation of faith. Whatever that faith may prove to be.

I do not know why so many of us wander and wonder based on why. When why is simply another word for the journey to arrive at the destination of understanding.
Otherwise known as, the place of discernment.

The Church has the ability to anger me more than almost any other belief management program.
Because the church is filled with lies and people who do not think to question.
And it is often fear based.
The Bible as it is presented today in it's many different interpretations is another source of frustration for me.
Mostly because it has been manipulated by man in what seems to be a direct challenge to God.
Good thing God has a rather remarkable sense of humor.

Why I am writing this? Here? Today? Because I felt rather compelled to do so. And because I am tired of seeing children cheating themselves based on what someone else or several someones have presented as absolutes. To suit their own agenda.

There has been so much unnecessary pain and twist. Over power. True power is to be found in the strength of your beliefs. Again, whatever they may be.
Because that is what is true for the individual who holds them.

Some people would call that a conscience. I prefer to call it a compass. And not unlike, snowflakes, no two are exactly alike.
Were that true? There would be no variation of color in this tapestry of life in which we all represent a strand or two in the weave of.

I would like to challenge all who read this to do one thing. Be true to yourself. Value the compass that is uniquely your own.
I promise the rest will become so much more clear.
Because it is your Destiny.