I have been trying to hold my peace. And fighting the challenge of all of the negativity.
I would love to say that I am winning.
But it does not feel that way.
I am quietly furious and openly overwhelmed.
But in a way that is okay. It is a rare thing that evil exposes itself so openly.
I have not felt the need to defend myself against the accusations.
But I am still quietly furious that it would dare.
Silly me.
I do not know what I am to do next. I keep telling myself that God has a plan.
Wish he would let me in on it.
I want to expend my energy on productive things. I want to roll up my sleeves and know that I am plunging into a new future.
Not roll up my sleeves and goose step through more knee deep shit.
I honestly do not know what comes next. I have never initiated litigation against anyone.
No matter the provocation. But this one has me tempted.
More than tempted.
And I ask myself why now?
I am better than this. I have always been better than this. So why now?
Is it because they were so obvious? Is it because they mistook my kindness for weakness? Or, is it because they tried to steal from me in a manner intended to destroy me?
I am not sure but I think it is the last part that chafes me the most. I will find my center of balance. I really will. Soon I hope.
I just want to say some very unpleasant things and my common sense says why now?
What will it serve?
And therein lies the crux of it.
I have pretty much given up the part of me that verbally shreds the lessor endowed. I already know I win the verbal shit fests.
But do I really? Win that it is?
Because it was always a goal of mine to help people be better.
And in the end my only question is, WHERE is my Island???
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I suspect that Dena ,you gave that person a little of your trust. That is what hurts and infuriates, when people prove to be so much less than what you thought or expected of them.The best course though is the one you are on.My mom always says "the best revenge ,is living well"
ReplyDeleteYou would suspect correctly Fern. And based on what I have now learned and will be taking to the court I am monumentally stupid!
ReplyDeleteAs it was their agenda all along.
It offends me hugely that I never learn this lesson.
And it did hurt having this person play with my perceptions and abuse my trust.
That is what hurts the most, when you go out of your way to help someone and are stabbed in the back for it. There are people in this world who feel all owe them something and when you pull the plug; they are beyond infuriated and go for you with all they can muster. I swear there are those who lie in wait for people like you(and like me)to come along to suck the very blood from your being. I sure hope that everything can be resolved with some sort of aid for you. I honestly do not know how you can take all this bull and still get up in the morning with a smile on your face and keep going. I guess that shows some inner strength that few can muster. I wish that I could know you; you seem like the kind of person I would like on my side--a doer. Right or wrong, you just keep going. May God bless you and yours and help you on whatever way you go. I had to go through this and by laying low and keeping to myself; it looks like I will manage to stay on top. She was after my home, my SO, and everything I owned and loved. I still have it all and she is even losing the job she finangled and cannot do with any kind of competency. So many people are soooo sick of hearing "But I have MS.....(said in a very whiny voice which means you should roll over and wait to be kicked again because SHE is not responsible for anything she does because she has MS)....There will be a light at the end of the tunnel--I swear. Just close your eyes, open your heart and mind, and you will win.
ReplyDeleteThanks phaedra your words mean a lot to me. I keep telling myself that God must have some big plan and my only job is to try and walk through the crap with a little dignity to get to the next best part.
ReplyDeleteThe damages to us with people like this are beyond comprehension.
Emotionally and financially.
I truly don't know what tomorrow will bring. I just have to hope that it will be something better.
I am so sorry to hear that you have had your experiences with these kind of people.
This latest one doesn't have MS but I know exactly what you mean by the really whiney voice.
And the long suffering sighs like their life is so hard.
Give me a break! How hard can it be when everyone else is doing your work!?!
We might meet someday. You never know. And I think I would like that too.
x
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