I remember Christmas. Or, was it the gathering of the jackals? Laugh long and loud and just don't care.
It was always Christmas for us wasn't it?
We who never quite came up to snuff. And we both got silk jackets. And everyone was watching and ohhhing and ahhhing. Wasn't it funny? Even when they came close to getting it right it could never be a fit.
Because they never bothered to look close enough to see who was who.
I remember our babies lying side by side on their kingsize bed. One dark and one light. And both so very beautiful. They could not see that either.
Oh well...
I remember your laughter. How it lit up your eyes before bubbling over. And there was no stopping us then.
No apologies from you. There never should have been. No harm and no foul.
Not from you. Never from you.
Well...even though, I know it was never your plan, they are crying now. Their big crocodile tears. You were such a wonderful person you know.
I always knew that. I hope I always let you know that...
I do not know how Ray will go about from here. We shall have to wait and see. Aaron left much of this far behind. It would be my hope that he continues to do so.
Lauren? Hmmmm...it is my hope that mine will bring comfort to your's.
No one told me. Big surprise that. I would have come you know. No...it was the Old Man drinking and weeping that spilled to my girl.
Self-pity, so sad, stock in trade when things go wrong. /and the guilt gets the best of him.
I always laughed with you. I was always warmed by you. And I always admired your beautiful spirit.
And if, I am ever called upon to do so, those are the things I will share with your babes.
I am sorry that it hurt so bad. I am sorry that it never quite worked the way you hoped. Mostly, I am sorry that you are gone.
But I loved you then. And I love you now. And I will say more than one prayer that you found peace. And a place where you are known as you really are.
In loving memory of my sister Naomi...
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I forgot to tell you. I named a horse after her.
ReplyDeleteA blue eyed and bald faced PAINTED filly.
She isn't so bright and doesn't have much to recommend her. She doesn't think and just runs with it too.
It wasn't my plan to get stuck with her either.
But I named her Go Leona Go. And still I raised her with gentle and loving hands.
It makes me laugh sometimes. She will never get it.
And neither will he. And somewhere along the line I just stopped caring enough to let it hurt too much.
They are what they are. Just blinded and led by all the wrong things.
It wasn't you. It was never you.
Someday I will write the story for both of us.
I promise...
My heart breaks, for you and for her........
ReplyDeleteSorry for your loss , a lovely tribute to someone who was clearly a treasure in your world . Hugs Dena
ReplyDeleteHow do you do that Fern? Always you define it exactly right. Treasure for sure. I have never known someone who had so much effervescent love and light in them as she did.
ReplyDeleteI have cried and quietly raged. I have spent the last day wanting to just puke.
It is a lot of effort not to hate. Working at not hating can sometimes make you as sick as the hating.
And now it is just another secret. I have and continue to hold so many it is no wonder I just wait for the course of time to eventually remove the disease. And somehow wash it all clean.
phaedra thank you...