I am afraid to go outside and face this first day after. I know he won't meet me at the corner of the house to begin our work.
I know this.
I know that this first day after will be the beginning of moving on.
And forgetting.
That always happens no matter how hard you try to hold on to the memories.
Upon waking my first thought was, "He is gone."
And I began to think of just exactly how big of a part of my life he was.
And the work that he did in his too short life.
Followed of course by the memory of pulling the trigger.
I can't focus on that. It haunts me already.
The dogs claimed by me as mine have been few. And I have been truly blessed in that they have been extraordinary.
Truly...
There was Shannon the Champion field hunting Irish Setter. My companion, teacher, and guardian of my childhood.
Sheba the Shepard Timber Wolf cross who was the protector, teacher, and guardian of my daughter and our farm.
Mela the white wolf pup.
And Nelson. The guardian of all. My companion and work partner. My friend.
As, I head out to begin this day, I know he is gone. And in the way of life, moving on, and the beginning of forgetting, I know that there will be another at the corner of the house saying with their heart in their eyes, "Pick me."
And I know that in time there will be a new companion. And guardian of all things precious.
But for this moment I would like to say, Thank you Lord for sharing him with me.
As, I am sure you already know I did not see this loss coming.
It wasn't something I could plan for.
He was amazing and wonderful and I regret the loss. Deeply.
I am working on not resenting it.
I have been told that there was a break out last night. First ever in I do not know how long.
I have been informed that it was Sun who stepped up to the plate and held the 3 offenders.
I have also been told that The Lord does not take that he does not give.
And I know this to be true.
And I know that it does not matter if I think I am ready or not, life goes on...
Rest in Peace Nelson 5-15-07 to 7-27-09
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The sun always does come up doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteIts not about who "pulled the trigger " Dena ,its about who made the decision that was best and kindest for Nelson. Forgive yourself , he does.
Even though he's gone from this earth, he will continue to watch over you. You did the right thing for him, not the easiest. god rest your soul Nelson.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much...
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I know the loss and it seems as though the pain lingers forever. See,s ironic that the best gift we can give them in some cases is that which hurts us the most.
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